From Start to finish, we help you think of everything.
The Engagement
Congratulations, your darling son or daughter has announced that he/she is to marry their soulmate. This is a joyous time, assuming you approve of the new addition to your family, with all the excitement that comes with planning a wedding.
Most mothers like to be involved, but depending on the bride and groom, your involvement can vary considerably. It can and should be a time of quality time for mother and daughter as you plan and discuss all the aspects of the wedding, but it can also be a frustrating time with a lot of biting your tongue to avoid conflict! Couples are now getting married later in life, tend to know their own minds, and may not ask for their parents' opinions.
When my own daughter got married, I quickly learned that when she sought my opinion, it was only OK when I happened to agree with hers. I learned to become very tactful!
We have been in business for over 30 years dressing Mothers of the Bride and Groom and Brides, and we hear so many stories.
Outfit Planning
When it comes to Mum’s outfit, what is the etiquette? Let’s assume that the two mothers are speaking to each other and in communication! It is widely accepted that the mother of the bride gets to choose her outfit first. She has first call on colour and style, and after she has made her decision, the mother of the groom can go out and choose her outfit.
This works well unless the MOB is very laid back and is in no hurry to find her outfit usually because she is trying to loose weight. This puts pressure on the MOG who may then get dispensation from the MOB to choose her outfit first.
Given that the average bride and groom are likely to be in their late twenties or early thirties, their mums are most probably in an over fifty age group. They may be in business or retired.
Choosing an outfit to wear to the wedding should be a pleasure, something to look forward to, but very quickly it can turn into a pressure.
It seems that as we get older, many of us lose confidence.
Mums tend to be so busy looking after husbands, families, and homes while running full-time jobs that they very often don’t make time for themselves. It’s only when a wedding is announced that suddenly the weight which has crept on over the years becomes a huge issue, and for the first time in years many women look at themselves critically in the mirror and are unhappy with who is looking back.
Most of us in our fifties and sixties are not the size 8 we were as teenagers or when we got married. That’s life! This may strike a chord with some mothers, but some also have beautiful figures, lots of confidence, and know exactly what suits them and what they want to wear. Ironically, many businesswomen and medics at the top of their fields are super confident in their own environment but make decisions when it comes to dress shopping. Totally out of their comfort zone, this group of mothers needs experienced, honest advice, and decisions may only come after a few visits. Be kind to yourself and choose a shop or designer who will understand you. We are all different, but we all share one thing: we want to look our best and make our son or daughter proud.
Do your Homework
Before hitting the shops, it is wise, as with everything, to do some homework so you don’t waste time or make a regrettable purchase.
Ask friends who have recently been mothers of the bride or groom for recommendations on outfits you have admired. Spend some time on the internet on Pinterest to see what you admire on other people. Be specific with your requests, not too generic. Try Google or even AI “mother of the bride outfits" (and the area you are prepared to travel to), and you will get a list of shops. It could be “designer outfits or bespoke or made-to-measure outfits for mothers of the bride or groom.”
Budget may or may not be important to you. If it is I would advise finding out typical prices before making an appointment.
Appointments & ShoppingOnce you actually start shopping, you need to know what colour you want to wear. Very often the bride has a colour theme for the wedding, and you are expected to fit into that. The wedding photographs look a lot better when the colours have been planned in advance, and the colour scheme is harmonious.
However, I would never advise choosing a colour because it matches the bridesmaids if it doesn’t suit you. The main thing is that your outfit suits YOU, complements your skin tone and figure and makes you feel confident and amazing.
Most mothers of the brides want the bride to be present or be available on FaceTime when finally choosing THE outfit. It helps to know your choice has been approved.
Happy bride = happy mother!
Occasionally, we have to help the bride see why her mother should wear a certain outfit, because it suits her so much better and is more flattering than one the bride might be leaning towards. Tact and diplomacy usually work, and Mum gets what she wants. One strange misconception held by some brides which occasionally crops up (and really upsets me) is “You can’t have that Mum because it’s more expensive than my dress !”
Some may say they can’t wear ivory because they might upstage the bride! You are not going to upstage the bride. Ivory can look beautiful in the right outfit, and photos of the bride and mum together look soft, romantic and coordinated. I do think you should ask the bride if she has any objections to you wearing ivory. We have made many ivory outfits for mothers, and usually the bride asks her to wear one. I’m saying ivory and cream; lots of people call everything between white and beige.