We’re so excited to share some top mother-of-the-bride (or groom) shopping tips from Joyce Young, a renowned UK-based designer at the very top of the game. If you think your mum could use a little encouragement to get her shopping mojo on, send her right here to take in Joyce’s wise words!

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

The Engagement

Congratulations! Your darling son or daughter has announced that he/she is to get married to their soul mate.  This is a joyous time, with all the excitement to come of planning a wedding.

Most mothers like to be involved but depending on the couple your involvement can vary considerably. It can and should be a time of quality bonding as you plan and discuss all the aspects of the wedding, but it can also be a frustrating time with a lot of biting the tongue to avoid conflict!

Photo by The Love Hunters from Georgia and Joel’s wedding

Couples are now getting married older and tend to know their own minds and may not ask the opinions of parents. Sometimes this can be hurtful. When my own daughter got married I quickly learned that when she sought my opinion is was only OK when I happened to agree with hers. I learned to become very tactful!

We have been in business for 26 years dressing mothers of the bride and brides and we hear so many stories some very funny and others quite sad and we know it’s hard to please all of the people all of the time!

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

Outfit Planning

When it comes to mum’s outfit what is the etiquette?  Let’s assume that the two mothers are speaking to each other and in communication! It is widely accepted that the mother of the bride gets to choose her outfit first. She has first call on colour and style and after she has made her decision the mother of the groom can go out and choose her outfit.

This works well unless the MOB is very laid back and is in no hurry to find her outfit. This puts pressure on the MOG who may then get dispensation from MOB to choose her outfit first.

Choosing an outfit to wear to the wedding should be a pleasure, something to look forward to but very quickly it can turn into a pressure. Be kind to yourself and choose a shop or designer who will understand you. We are all different but one thing we all have in common: we want to look the very best we can and make our son or daughter proud.

Photo by Rafe Abrook from Shelley and Chris’s wedding

Do Your Homework

Before hitting the shops it is advisable, as with everything, to do some homework so that you don’t waste time or make a regrettable purchase. Ask for recommendations from friends whose outfits you have admired. Budget may or may not be important to you. If it is I would advise finding out typical prices before making an appointment.

Go Online

Spend some time on the internet and on Pinterest to see what you admire on other people. If you are looking for a “dress and coat “ type that in to Google. Be specific with your requests. Drill down to exactly what you have in mind. It may be “red lace coat with silk dress” and Google will deliver you the results. Of course you may not know what you are looking for and therefore just type in “mother of the bride outfits (and the area you are prepared to travel) and you will get a list of shops. It could be “designer outfits or bespoke or made to measure outfits for mothers of the bride or groom.”

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

Colour Scheme

Once you actually start shopping you need to know what colour you want to wear. Very often the bride has a colour scheme for the wedding and you are expected to fit in to that. The wedding photographs look a lot better when the colours have been planned in advance and the colour scheme is harmonious.  However, the main thing is that your outfit suits YOU, compliments your skin tone and figure and makes you feel confident and amazing.

Photo by Camellia Art Photography from Sophie and Elliott’s wedding

Involving the Bride

Most mothers of the bride want the bride to be present or be available on FaceTime when finally choosing THE outfit. It helps to know you choice has been approved. Happy bride = happy mother! Occasionally we have to help the bride see why her mother should have a certain outfit because it suits her so much better and is more flattering than one that the bride might be leaning towards. Tact and diplomacy usually works and mum gets what she wants.

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

Off the Peg vs. Bespoke

Off the Peg

To choose an outfit from a retail shop I would advise starting early.  A misconception is to leave it till nearer the wedding in the expectation that you will have dropped a dress size or two. This can be stressful. The majority of weddings are still in the summer. The stock comes in February and as each month goes by will become more limited in available sizes and colour. Therefore by the time you go out to look there may not be much choice left.

Photo by LUZ from May and Tomer’s wedding

The main labels for mother of the bride outfits are sold all over the country and are not exclusive. A customer can travel from Aberdeen to London to find something different but end up seeing exactly the same collections as in her local store. This is always a worry that a guest will turn up in the same outfit.

Fabric quality may feel different in reality to how it looks on the website pictures. Colour choice is limited and standard sizes will need altered. Prices, however, depending on manufacturer, will be 3 figures rather than 4 and your outfit can be taken away on day of purchase.

Photo by The Day from Jessica and Jonathan’s wedding

Bespoke

Again, start early, as the summer period is exceedingly busy and only a limited number of outfits can physically be made.  Having a dress or outfit individually made for you may cost a bit more, but there are many advantages.

Firstly fabric is better quality – mostly pure silks. You are buying direct from the designer so there is no middleman therefore you are getting better value for money. Flexibility in style and choice of colour and fabric mean that as well as fitting you perfectly your outfit is unlikely to be the same as another as they are not mass produced. If it is importantto you, an outfit that is bespoke can be made in the UK and not in China where most manufacturers’ designs are made.

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

When you order a made-to-measure or couture dress or outfit a pattern will be made individually for you and the first fitting will be in a toile. Second fitting is in your fabric and usually you can take the outfit away at your 3rd fitting. In our company we have an in-house milliner and accessories. Other designers may offer the same service.

As you are not walking out with the outfit the full cost is split over the period of time that the outfit is being made. A deposit secures the order and the balance is paid on collection. Spreading the cost is usually more appealing to most people.

Photo by Janthai Photography from Bianca and Ruben’s wedding

Finding the Right Fit

The first thing most of our clients say is I’m mother of the bride/groom but I don’t want to look like a typical MOB/MOG . The image conjured up by “typical” seems to be of a taffeta clad lady squeezed into a ruched dress with bolero jacket, looking a bit formal and uncomfortable. My own design is understated and elegant, flattering fluid styles that skirt  over the negatives and enhance the positives. Concentrate on and accentuate your good points and disguise the ones that you don’t want others focusing on. This is where made to measure comes into its own.

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

Alterations

However if you are not going down the bespoke route please remember that off the peg outfits will more than likely need to be altered. Most people are not a standard size. I have measured thousands of women over 26 years and it never fails to amaze me that we all buy our day clothes off the peg from retailers. No two people are exactly the same, we are so many different shapes and sizes. Mostly we compromise or wear separates; very few can wear dresses without some major alteration.

Therefore remember that alterations will add to the cost of your outfit. Fitted styles tend to be smaller on the waist than real people therefore the size you to buy may be determined and limited by waist size. It could be that it’s hip size that is too small and therefore pushes you up a size or two requiring alterations  to the top half . Most mothers want to cover their arms and a lot of off the peg dresses are sleeveless. All things to be considered when deciding whether to buy from a retailer or designer.

On the subject of price I find that a lot of women will spend happily on children and grandchildren and other things, but when it comes to spending money on themselves they have to justify it. I hear it’s not that I can’t afford it but I can’t justify it.

Everyone has different priorities and different budgets but I do believe that mothers should give themselves a little more self-love – in the words of L’Oreal “because you’re worth it”.

Photo by Roey Yohai from Jess and Brett’s wedding

On the Day

Finally the wedding  day has arrived. Time for the big reveal.  You should be feeling a million dollars in an outfit that gives you confidence. You should feel comfortable and look relaxed knowing that you look fabulous.

You shouldn’t need to fidget with anything – just put your outfit on, know you look the part, and forget about it for the rest of the day. Be ready to enjoy every minute of a day that will go by all too quickly. Be prepared to accept all the compliments graciously.

Another bit of etiquette. If you are the bride’s mother remember you control when the hats come off. The guests don’t take their hats off until the mother of the bride removes her hat !

Have the most amazing day.

Photo courtesy of Joyce Young

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About the Author – Joyce Young

Award-winning designer Joyce Young OBE graduated from the prestigious Glasgow School of Art in 1975. She launched her company By Storm in 1993 and now has two elegant showrooms in North West London and North Glasgow and a purpose built production unit ,where all her couture designs are made, adjacent to the Glasgow showroom.

Joyce and her highly experienced team have been dressing thousands of discerning mothers and brides for the past 26 years. Her designs can be seen at prestigious weddings throughout the UK and overseas. Many clients fly into London from abroad and increasingly her company is making bespoke outfits for clients from around the world via virtual Skype fittings. Joyce’s style is elegant and understated, flattering lines in luxurious fabrics made to measure to any size.

Joyce and her team are passionate about weddings and  believe it as a real privilege to be involved with brides and mothers at such a happy time in their lives.

Find Joyce Young on: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | Pinterest | On Smashing The Glass